Recognizing 'red'
Ed Lisbe
If
the turn to speak or to listen is determined by an awareness of where
the 'red' is at all times in any conversation, then logically,
everything
rests on one's ability to recognize 'red'. That isn't easy,
because emotions may be loud or quiet, verbal or non-verbal,
expressed or unexpressed. How do we assess our own or others'
emotions accurately?
Getting
On "The Balcony"
The
first step for recognizing our own or others' 'red' is to get
outside
of ourselves in conversation. We have to get on "the balcony,"
the place where we can watch ourselves interacting on "the stage."
Life is the "stage." It's where all of the action is, all of
the energy, the enthusiasm and passion, the juice, the spontaneity.
There's too much going on for the two questions to be asked from
the "stage," from inside
the conversation.
Most
of us are too reactive, too focused on our own wants and needs to
process the conversation objectively enough to ask the questions. We
have to be detached from the conversation to ask the
questions.
The "balcony" is where we can witness ourselves, where we can be
mindful, and watch ourselves in the conversation. It is a place of
detachment, observation, and objectivity. From the "balcony" we
can begin to ask ourselves the question, "Who's
got the 'red'?"
What
is 'red'?
How
do we know when someone is angry? Can a person be quiet and still be
feeling strong emotions? Can a normally expressive person be loud
and demonstrative and not be 'red'? What about crossed arms or
raised eyebrows? What is the difference between conflict and
disagreement? Is it 'red' if one person cuts another off who is
speaking? Can emotions shift in the same conversation? From one
sentence to the next? What about a deliberate, loud sigh with a
rolling of the eyes? Is a person 'red' who asks a simple
sounding question that leaves the speaker feeling attacked and
defensive? Everything
rests on our ability to recognize 'red' in ourselves and others.
Return to Conscious Conversation Main Page
Ed Lisbe
If
the turn to speak or to listen is determined by an awareness of where
the 'red' is at all times in any conversation, then logically,
everything
rests on one's ability to recognize 'red'. That isn't easy,
because emotions may be loud or quiet, verbal or non-verbal,
expressed or unexpressed. How do we assess our own or others'
emotions accurately?
Getting On "The Balcony"
The
first step for recognizing our own or others' 'red' is to get
outside
of ourselves in conversation. We have to get on "the balcony,"
the place where we can watch ourselves interacting on "the stage."
Life is the "stage." It's where all of the action is, all of
the energy, the enthusiasm and passion, the juice, the spontaneity.
There's too much going on for the two questions to be asked from
the "stage," from inside
the conversation.
Most
of us are too reactive, too focused on our own wants and needs to
process the conversation objectively enough to ask the questions. We
have to be detached from the conversation to ask the
questions.
The "balcony" is where we can witness ourselves, where we can be
mindful, and watch ourselves in the conversation. It is a place of
detachment, observation, and objectivity. From the "balcony" we
can begin to ask ourselves the question, "Who's
got the 'red'?"
What is 'red'?
How
do we know when someone is angry? Can a person be quiet and still be
feeling strong emotions? Can a normally expressive person be loud
and demonstrative and not be 'red'? What about crossed arms or
raised eyebrows? What is the difference between conflict and
disagreement? Is it 'red' if one person cuts another off who is
speaking? Can emotions shift in the same conversation? From one
sentence to the next? What about a deliberate, loud sigh with a
rolling of the eyes? Is a person 'red' who asks a simple
sounding question that leaves the speaker feeling attacked and
defensive? Everything
rests on our ability to recognize 'red' in ourselves and others.
Return to Conscious Conversation Main Page
